I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
