What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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