I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
