Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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