ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
