So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
