I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
