im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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