Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
