He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
