Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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