i just made my gag reflex go away.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
