all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
