Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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