you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
