pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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