I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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