also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
