but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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