let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
