Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
