sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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