Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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