i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
