Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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