I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I need to sanitize my soul.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
