i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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