I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
