everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
