dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
