Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
