I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
