sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
