you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My Higher Power is John Stamos
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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