Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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