i just had sex bonerless
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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