saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
