I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
