so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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