I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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