She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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