these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
