my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
