Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
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