I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
