I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize