Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
