I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
