marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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