Pappa wants mamma naked
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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