We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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