one might say we're banned from that church
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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