I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
