There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
