five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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