my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
