What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
