Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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