there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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