Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Too much gin, very little bucket
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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