i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Too much gin, very little bucket
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize