I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
