I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
