I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
