last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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