I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
