I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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