My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You don't make any sense
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