You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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