11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
There r osticjed everywhere
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
