fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
