quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
