in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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