oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
