and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm at about main and main street
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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