I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
