It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
