You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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