I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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