I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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